Rafael and his daughter Naraliah live in Danbury. During his divorce, he was eager to learn how to co-parent effectively, so he proactively looked for resources and found Saint Joseph Parenting Center’s Dads Are the Difference Program (DAD) – the National Fatherhood Initiative’s evidence-based 12-class curriculum that emphasizes the importance of the father in a child’s life.
Rafael shares his story and what he learned in the parenting program:
“Naraliah is nine years old, and I’ve been there since day one, since the day that she was born prematurely at four pounds and seven ounces. It’s been an amazing adventure.
Going through the divorce process, I found that CT focuses the best interest of the child more in favor of the mom than the dad. I understand that. But when there are two parents involved there’s always different opinions about what’s in the child’s best interest.
The court tends to suggest a minimum parenting requirement in a divorce agreement, but for me, I wanted more. The most important thing to me is that our daughter can see that both her parents are communicating and that both spend equal time with her: pickups, drop offs, emergency situations, school, her education, when she gets sick, her activities.
As a father, I’m trying to enjoy every little moment possible. The obstacle I’m facing right now is having equal time with Naraliah. I’ve learned through the DAD program that if both parents have equal time with their child, it will benefit the child’s growth and development and is in the best interest of the child.
So, my focus is to change and grow and better myself for the people around me and to be an exemplary dad for my daughter. My daughter’s mom perceives me in a certain way, and I can’t change her reality. She believes that equal time could negatively impact our daughter’s stability, so I’m in the process of filing a modification to our court orders.
I have to present evidence, and I need to continue to show consistency, do everything I can to communicate effectively and respectfully and suggest alternative solutions. For me, this means finding ways to spend more time with my daughter. What I learned from DAD is to keep my eye on the prize, which for me is my daughter, her well-being and her happiness.
At the end of the day, no one can take away the growth and progress that I’ve made. Regardless of how I may be perceived, I know the truth and the progress I’ve made to get to where I need to be today. My goal is to continue to be the best person I can be for myself, the best family member for the people I love and the best dad for my little girl, so that I can positively contribute to her growth.
My parents are still together. My dad was mostly the worker, and my mom was the one who pushed and challenged me. When I had my daughter, I committed to going above and beyond in challenging and appreciating her and in communicating with her about what’s right and what’s wrong.
Naraliah is very open with me, and we have a great relationship. She is adventurous and loves to try different things, participate in outdoor activities, go to the park and the pool and ride her bike. I recently took her ice skating and to see the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza. She is also very artistic: she loves to draw, all arts and crafts, puzzles and making bracelets together. She’s been taking piano lessons once a week since she was three/four years old.
My daughter is also a good student: she loves math and reading, and I help her with her homework (either in person or through FaceTime), and together we plan to begin reading the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. I like to challenge her to read more and to think about what she is reading and learning.
She has a great sense of humor, loves to help people and she wants to be a teacher when she grows up. Naraliah also enjoys going to church with me, where I am an usher – she loves to help me collect donations, and that makes me feel so proud and honored.
I want other single dads with kids to know they should never give up. Always focus on growth and when there’s a challenge that doesn’t land in your favor, learn from your mistakes and try to come up with a better solution next time. If it doesn’t go your way, it’s okay – focus on and enjoy the moments you have with your child. There’s a positive way to fight for what you believe in, regardless of anyone else’s opinion. As a dad, fight to be a better person, to spend more time with your children, because time is very valuable. I don’t want to wait until my daughter is 16 or 17 to spend time with her when these moments, right now, are the most precious moments in her life.
I’ve learned so much from my counselor at DAD; I don’t know where I would be without him and our one-on-one sessions. In the class I learn so much from other dads who are also on this co-parenting journey. Even though I finished the program, there are other co-parenting classes to attend, and I am currently taking those classes so I can learn more. I highly recommend participating in a fatherhood program and to seek out other resources, like family counseling, a therapist, etc.”