Jamie personifies dedication to both quality and the community. His community focus includes a commitment to hire people who have been involved with the justice system and raising their minimum wage in 2016 to $15 an hour for “non-tip” employees. Jaime also supports many local charities. He is an integral part of Operation BBQ Relief, delivering the healing power of BBQ to disaster-affected communities (like victims of Hurricane Katrina and flood victims in Texas) and World Central Kitchen, where he cooked and provided food for Ukraine refugees in Turkey.
This week we’d like to introduce you to Jamie “The Bear” McDonald. Jamie is the owner of the Bear’s Smokehouse franchise. A competitive eater and bodybuilder, he opened his first restaurant in South Windsor in 2013 with winnings from a competitive eating contest.
But Jamie’s story, like many of ours, runs much deeper. In 2022 he shared his story with Mental Health Connecticut, hoping it might help someone else take whatever steps they might need to get help. “Jamie wants people to know that sometimes what you see on the outside is not at all what’s going on inside. He knows this because for decades he tried to put a good face on depression, anxiety, trauma, and ultimately, alcoholism. It didn’t work.”
Warning: This story contains thoughts of suicide ideation!
“I’m very open about this and hope it helps people to see,” he says. “Part of the problem is the stigma around it and that people think they have to hide it out of shame or judgment.”
“From outward appearances my life was fantastic,” he adds. “People would say everything is sunny in Bear Country.” That only added more pressure to look the part, Jamie says. “What do I have to be depressed or unhappy about? So, you push it down and keep a positive face.”
Jamie’s issues began as a child. He grew up in a family with physical and mental abuse. He also experienced sexual abuse from a stranger. For a while he tried to compensate by being hyper-focused on things like mountain biking and bodybuilding. He was also an overachiever at work. “I’ve always had an addictive personality,” he says of his various temporary obsessions. “But it was all just trying to shut down my mind from thinking about the trauma stuff or the black hole inside me.”
“No matter how many awards you get, it makes you feel better for a second but then it’s back to the depression and anxiety and not feeling like you’re good enough, no matter what anybody says,” he says.
Before starting Bear’s Smokehouse, Jamie worked for United Technologies Corporation (UTC) after leaving the Navy. He married and had a son and daughter. In order to deal with increasing anxiety and depression, he began drinking more.
Restaurant life made drinking easy. “I could drink as much as I wanted to,” Jamie says. “I went from a single pour of bourbon at the end of the night to well over a bottle a day within 8-9 months. I would drink all day at work and then drink at night until I passed out. I was doing it to shut off my brain and stop having these thoughts.”
This went on for about a year, Jamie says. “During that time my depression was getting worse and worse and worse.” He separated from his now ex-wife. “I lived alone so I didn’t have to worry about anybody’s judgment. The kids were not exposed to it.”
When booze didn’t do the trick, Jamie added Ambien to the mix, which only made his depression worse, he says. The nadir came one day when he was in his basement with his dog, Bernie. “I was crying to myself. I would tell Bernie I can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired,” he says. That night he got out his gun and put it in his mouth. “The only thing that saved me was the thought that no one knows where I am and Bernie’s going to get hungry and eat me. That’s what stopped me from pulling the trigger that night. I reached out to my ex and said I need help.”
Jamie spent two months at a rehab facility going through various therapies. Today he has been sober for five years and counting.
Aware that recovery is “always a work in progress,” Jamie has made speaking out about his life as much of a mission as making award-winning BBQ. Well aware of the second chance he’s been given in life, he offers second chances to others, like working in Ukraine to help feed refugees. He is also involved in Linked4Life, a nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness about mental health issues and suicide prevention.
And he remains committed to telling his story. “The shame is part of what drives the cycle,” he says. “You don’t have to be ashamed. As a community leader, I’m comfortable sharing with you all and I hope this lets you know you can, too. More people are coming out about their own struggles. Hopefully down the road we can treat mental illness just like any other illness or injury.”